what did make u change?

truth

wrong belongs to human. right belongs to God.

wake up

in life, we all ever make mistakes. wrong steps, wrong decisions, wrong thoughts, even wrong feeling.

relationship.
how did it begin?
how could it end up just like that?

my first relationship is the biggest mistake of my life.
wrong steps, wrong decisions.
everytime i look back to that time, all i can feel is nothing but guilty.
it was like when you think you have no other choice because you think you dont deserve to get better since you're not one of the best. trust me if one of you ever had this kind of thought inside your head, just throw it away. everyone is deserve to get the best. even the worst person in this planet.
things didn't work.
he couldn't gave me what i need.
then i looked for what i need in someone else.
person number 1... zero.
person number 2... bullshit.
then i dont know how n when come person number 3.
friend. then bestfriend. he was the person who knew me even before i told him whats in my mind. at that moment i think i found what i need. but that euphoria feeling blinded me from seeing the reality that there's a super huge wall that we both cannot destroy, climb or do anything to make it gone.

the moment when i mostly spent my time to think about what i face, what we both faced, i met this person.
it was like i try to passing through the huge crowd, impossible to pass through.then he just suddenly came and lift me to see what kind of crowd that i was trying to pass through.

reality. it's the first thing that he showed me.
present. real. more than just words.
for a moment, i feel uncomfort to leave that dream.
but slowly i know it's time to wake up.
it's morning already. and he's the alarm who awake me.

mistakes make human

It's not always about right or wrong. black or white. stupid or smart. Mostly people like to judge other people with rules that they have already known. They seem really like to make some kind of gap that separating between people walking in a wrong way and right way. The world where we are living in pushes us to plant doctrine in our mind that breaking the rules is wrong, some even would be the biggest mistake ever. The home that we have been spending our time in told us to not get close to any wrong thing or any sin. Time passed by. Young little humans have grown up. Some of them stay in the right way, some of them, because of their extraordinary enthusiasm or maybe the not understandable situation, jump to the next way that is the wrong way. And this is when the arrogancy comes up.
Mostly people who stay in the right way like to say anything they like about people who walk on the wrong way. It's not right. It's a sin. They deserve punishment or maybe the haviest one without looking what has happened to them. Nobody wants to steal a cup of rice if he/she has a bagful of rice in her/his home. Nobody wants to be a whore if she never got raped or if she was given another choice in her life. Thief wasn't their dream. Whore wasn't her life achievement. But be honest, some of us, people who are not one of them always think that "ok, you're bad. You deserve the hell. I'm out of here".
My question is have you ever asked them why all that bad shits happened to their life?
And have you ever thought that someday by the situation that we would never be able to predict we can be just like them, become one of them?
Just because we know what's right doesn't mean that we're right. After all we're just human and mistakes make human. Just accept the reality that we are human, we would never be a saint or an angel but never give up to try our best. Sometimes it helps us to forgiving other people even ourselves.

flawed

dua malam lalu,
bisikan lirihmu melantun di telinga
arti seorang wanita
arti seorang perempuan yang kau ajak menyusuri pagi, siang, dan malam bersama

penting.

dua malam lalu,
kamu dengan riang mendendangkan semua omong kosongmu
yang kamu bilang bukan omong kosong
tak akan menguap
bahkan ketika deru polusi kota menghempas mukamu

sepertinya baru dua malam lalu,
ceramahmu menari-nari di telinga
kini, kemana rimbanya?

entah.

bergunakah dia?
bergunakah parfum wangi, semua senyum, dan pemberian?

dia tertawa
selalu ada
selalu dekat
terlalu dekat hingga membuatmu buta
tuli, tak mampu menyimak

jika dunia kalian beda, lalu?
haruskah perbedaaannya denganmu membuatnya tak berguna?

hanya karena kamu terlalu idiot untuk membaca senyumnya
memaknai kata-kata yang keluar darinya

hanya karena dia berbeda